if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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