i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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