i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
