cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
