I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
