3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
