I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
