That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
