Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
