I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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