After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
