Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
