so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
