I accidentally had phone sex last night
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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