She tied me up with her honor cords...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
