there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
