some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
