its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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