Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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