she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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