grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
