Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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