So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
