just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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