Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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