I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
