At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
