Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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