My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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