one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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