my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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