Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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