No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He better not be in your backpack
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
