im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
