Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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