apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
