You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
