What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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