Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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