u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
