eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
