Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Never joke about your clitoris.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
