Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
