Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
