u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
