My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
