Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
