i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
