You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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