..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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