so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
