Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
