I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
